I Am Love
I've struggled on what to write about the past few weeks......happens from time to time. I have several topics stored in my head, but I haven't felt right sharing them yet. Last week this overwhelming feeling came over me about Self Love. I realized I haven't told myself, "I Love you Derek" in a while. I specifically taped a hand written note on my bathroom mirror saying, "I Love You." I would look myself in the mirror in the morning when I wake and at night before I sleep and say to myself, "I Love You Derek." Interesting thing happened one day when I was on my way home from work.......A car cut me off, and as I huffed lol, I looked down at the car's license plate and it said, "IAMLUV." I just started laughing and said thank you God and here we are.
Ok, where do I begin???
So, I've never knew what Self Love was growing up or how to Love myself. No fault of no one, it seemed that it's a cycle passed down in a lot of families, especially in the black community, but that's a whole other basket to empty another day. Anyways, when someone would ask me if I loved myself, it was "Common Sense" to say, "Yes!" Lol, check out my previous blog post, "I Am Unique" on how I feel about "Common Sense" these days. Well, I didn't Love myself.....I was searching for that Love through others for a long time. I also put a lot of energy into loving others......but was I really or was it the opposite of Love, Fear??? Yeah it was Fear. Fear of a person leaving me, abandoning me, betraying me. That was my thought process, so I felt I had to always prove myself or as I was telling myself, prove my Love. Damn, you would never hear a man say these type of things, let alone admit it lol.
I didn't Love myself, so I didn't accept myself. It disabled my confidence and strength. That's where a lot of my social anxiety came into play. It would be difficult to be in social settings or take chances on ideas that I would have. I was so conditioned to beat myself up with my words....I Am Weak, I Am Scared, I Am a Loser, etc. I crippled myself tremendously.
It took me a long time to understand that Self Love is the first Love we should give and experience. I started with that hand written note on my mirror saying, "I Love You!" At first I would just look at it, I thought that would be enough. Then I started saying it out loud while looking in my eyes. I made it a habit to tell myself everyday I wake up and go to bed, "I Love You" in the mirror. I then started to tell myself when I looked in my car mirrors and the mirrors at work. It felt good, I noticed myself smiling at my reflection and feeling an overwhelming feeling I've never felt inside.
Who are you saying, "I Love You" to more??? Do you even tell yourself "I Love You...." Try It! Don't forget we were created from Love.....created to Love. Love yourself, because "You can't pour from an Empty Cup." Work on Yourself not Your Selfie! Let's try more Self Lovies than Selfies! You Are LOVE! "I AM LOVE."
Derek M. Silver